Don't Quit

I know sometimes we all get fed up with our our lives are going at one point or another. When we get in those times, we are only seeing one snapshot of our life. We aren't looking at the memories behind us and we can't see the future in front of us. We see only one time that seems tough and nothing is going quite right.

We want to give up, say nothing is obviously paying off, and who would even notice if we stopped all of our hard work. The whole problem with feeling that way is that when we looks back through our memories, we remember being frustrated throughout the process but when we see the end results, it's worth it. Just because we don't see immediate results doesn't mean that we won't see them in the long-run. We are so impatient and want our lives to be at the rate of fast food instead of a sit down restaurant.  When I stop and think about life, I would rather sit down and take my time rather than rush through it all. Yes, we get frustrated. Yes, we want to quit. If you quit, you are making all of your work a waste of time. It's a self-fulling prophecy. You cause yourself to fail when you quit. If we keep going, our hard work pays off, even if it isn't quite in the way we expect.

The payoff could be getting exactly what we want or it could be the realization that what we thought we wanted really isn't the path we want to take. When we get fed up with not getting what we think we want, we just give up. It's like the little kid who wants that ice cream cone and when he doesn't get it, he throws a temper tantrum kicking and screaming. He ends up pouting and being mad when in reality he didn't get that ice cream cone because it was right before dinner.

We don't know what is going to happen next, we don't see the big picture. God can, we can't. That's where trust comes in. Trust that He will lead you where you need to go, not where you want to go. We may want that ice cream cone, but we really find out later that a healthy dinner before dessert is exactly what we needed. We'll also find that what we needed is really what we want in the long run.

So, when we get frustrated and want to quit, we need to remember that we could be on the horizon of getting to where we need to be. If we hold on, then everything could work out to being more than we can ever hope for, way better than a little ice cream cone.

Let Go

Sometimes in the hectic pace of life I need to take a break. When the week ends and I finally get a break, sometimes I just can't keep up the pace. Usually I have an even longer list of things to get done on the weekends than during the week. Most weekends I successfully complete my list and maybe even sleep a little. Then there are those few weekends that I just crash and burn. I get to Friday evening and all I want to do is be lazy. I want to sleep in, or rather catch up on the sleep that I've missed in the past several weeks. Hibernation sounds like an amazing idea at that point.

When I feel like that, my neatly written list of to dos don't get crossed out. Things go undone and it's all because I just need a break, even if it drives me crazy and I have to make it up later. At least, I used to have to make it up. Even though I tend to be the clean freak and love to do the laundry and wash the dishes (which Brian thinks is just weird), Brian picks up the slack when I need to let things slide a little.  As much as I would love to be super wife and do everything, I know I need Brian's help. So, on those weekends that I let things slide, he steps in and helps with the laundry and the dishes. Even though Brian doesn't like either chore, he does it anyway.

It took me a while to let go of those things, because I would love to not make him do it when I like doing those chores. But when you need help, you just need to let go. I've always struggled with that option. I'm your classic overachiever. I'd like to do my job and more and look good doing it.

Yet, it just reminds of how God is in our life. When we get to the point that we let go a little bit, He steps in to pick up the slack. He keeps you going, keeps your momentum. He proves that if you would relax a little, stop worrying as much and let go of the reins, life would not fall apart. Instead you may be pleasantly surprised.

As I've noticed with my life with Brian, when I let go a little, things still get done. The world does not fall apart, it does not end. Instead, I usually get through the weekend feeling rested and ahead for the next week. When I try to do it all by myself I barely make it through my list and usually start the next week even more tired than I was going end. It's a unending cycle that makes me crave sleep. When I accept the help I get more done and I get some sleep.

When I started giving things to God, my life got easier. I don't worry as much as I used to, I don't wonder what I'm doing with my life, don't question if what I'm doing is right. Instead, I'm still moving through life, easier than before, and I feel as if I'm accomplishing much more than I was before handing over the reigns. Before, I worked in retail, had no life, and didn't have much to show for. Now, I have an amazing job that is relevant to my degree, have time for friendships, fellowship and family, and have so many blessings it's amazing.

Sometimes, when life gets hard and you can't keep a handle on things, maybe it's because you just need to let go. It's scary and you won't know what to expect but when you hand over those reigns, life gets so much easier. You'll still have that long list of to dos sometimes, but accomplishing them will be easier when you aren't worried about life in general.

Just let go.

The Domino Effect

Monday is our 6 month wedding anniversary but it is also the 4 year anniversary from when we started dating. In hindsight it's surreal to find myself here today. I met Brian at my very first job my senior year in high school. He was a sophomore in college and didn't talk to anyone. We were both painfully shy throughout our lives. It's odd because when you get to know us we are both total dorks and aren't quiet with the people we are comfortable with.

We were treading into unknown territory with each other. Neither of us had any experience in dating, which made the whole process exciting, memorable and special. When I look back it's so perfect to have experienced all my firsts with my husband. It will be one of those stories we share with our kids and grandkids. It's sad to say that we are an anomaly these days. It isn't unusual to marry your high school sweetheart, that happens fairly regularly still. Yet, for them to be your high school/college sweetheart and to go on your very first date with them, the number of couples do go down quite drastically.

I'm not saying that our way is the right way or the best way. Sometimes we do wonder what if we had experienced the bad dates. Yet we look at each other and immediately veto that thought. Why do we need to experience bad when we know how very blessed we are? It seems pointless to us.

Yet, many times experiencing the bad does make you appreciate the good much more. Having not been a Christian my whole life and having family that has it's ups and downs more than most, I've experienced my fair share of the bad times. I don't begrudge those times though. They've led me here and I wouldn't trade my life for anything. Not many people know about my broken relationship with my dad. He's an absent father who drinks too much and has many hurtful tendencies that come with him. It took me up until 6 months ago to finally realize that there is nothing more that I can do to fix our relationship. I invited him to our wedding and instead of getting a response, yay or nay, I get a card from him, delivered by my Grandmother, with cash. It was signed Sincerely, Robert Foster. Definitely not even the signature I expected let alone the response. At some point I stopped being surprised, but only a few months ago did I stop being disappointed. I just looked at the card and realized that I have a loving step-father who walked me down the aisle and a loving Father in heaven who has been there my whole life.

My father has impacted my life, the fact that it was a negative impact doesn't matter. He changed how I feel about the father of my children and about how my children will be raised. Even those negative impacts positively impact my children. They will benefit from my father's mistakes. They will have a dad who loves them and is there for them, because my father impacted the type of man I married. Brian knows this and we've talked extensively on the matter. He knows how important to me that my children have a dad who doesn't make them question his love. He responds with the ability to be that dad, no questions asked.

No matter what an experience may be, good or bad, you can use it as God intended. You can use it to be stronger, change the meaning of the experience, and give it away as a positive impact. You can take the transformation of those moments into yourself and make the world better. I don't see the negative points in my life as an opportunity to get pity or even empathy. I see it as an opportunity to change the future. God placed every experience in my life for a reason,  I just don't always see the reason until it's behind me and I can see it clearly. As a couple, we've learned to trust and let things fall where they will. God will show us in the end why things happened the way they did. And even if he doesn't, well it had a reason to me. It helped me grow. It helped me mature. It helped us overcome another obstacle in this life. You may not see the end result or your end is not the end for someone else. It's like dominos. I may be the beginning or end or somewhere in the middle, but I was essential to the whole domino effect, no matter where I am in that long line of dominos. If I don't hit that next domino then the whole things stops.  I have faith that God will use each moment to get us where He needs us to be and He will push that first domino to get the motion started.